Discovering The One: 16 Easy Steps To Attracting Him

Are you prepared to seek out “the one”?

You’re bored with ghosters, time-wasters, and mediocre dates that simply aren’t going wherever. Courting apps and web sites have left you exhausted and overwhelmed, and also you’re beginning to surprise if you’re the one doing one thing flawed.

Why can’t I discover the one?

Does he even exist?

If this sounds acquainted, you’ve landed in the suitable place.

Right here’s the most important secret that most individuals received’t inform you in terms of discovering the one:

If you wish to meet an incredible particular person, the very best factor to do is develop into an incredible particular person your self.

Grow to be the adventurous, go-getting, sort, playful, romantic, and assured particular person you’re searching for.

Once you shift the main focus from males to your self and get clear on the type of life you need to stay and the type of accomplice you need to be, you’ll discover you begin assembly higher matches for you and establishing real connections which have actual potential.

So, in the event you’re severe about discovering the one and able to shift your standard perspective and strategy, you’re in the suitable place.

Do you have to even strive discovering the one?

Do you know that your relationship is likely to be happier and stronger in the event you don’t imagine within the concept of soulmates?


One study discovered that {couples} who believed in future, destiny, or soulmates have been extra prone to break up than those that don’t.

It’s because whenever you imagine there may be one good particular person for you on the entire planet, you routinely assume that discovering the “proper” particular person will type the muse of a cheerful relationship.

Plus, this perception will severely restrict your courting choices.

You’re prone to reject wonderful potential companions who’re appropriate with you based mostly on the phantasm that there’s somebody higher suited on the market for you.

One minor flaw or awful behavior may appear to be believable grounds to reject a man on, even when he’s doubtlessly nice for you.

FYI: all people has flaws (even Ryan Gossling).

The fact is, life is much more difficult than the romantic fairytale you’ve in all probability been offered.

Discovering the one is definitely about discovering somebody you join with on a deep degree who you imagine will make you the happiest in the long term. It’s about discovering somebody you need to share and construct a life with, and it’s about accepting that there is no such thing as a good match.

So, in the event you’ve been laser-focused on discovering the one, I invite you to do one thing a little bit totally different.

Neglect the concept of there being a “one” and begin specializing in having fun with assembly new folks, courting, and seeing the place issues go.

1. Discovering the one: Love your self first

You’ve in all probability heard this saying 100 instances already, however I’m going to repeat it right here to present you a much-needed reminder:

It’s a must to work on loving yourself first earlier than you may absolutely love anyone else.

Let me put this one other means: how will you promote one thing to others that you simply don’t even imagine in your self?

Should you haven’t taken the time to fall in love together with your presents, magnificence, and quirks, you received’t know what it’s important to provide somebody in a partnership. You received’t know or acknowledge your worth, which ends up in us attracting somebody who isn’t good for us or doesn’t deserve us.

Because of this constructing your attractive confidence and constructing your basis of self-love is step one in all my 7 Little Love Steps.

The reality is, discovering the one won’t ever fulfill you the way in which you want in the event you don’t have already got a robust sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Should you assume you’ll really feel nice about your self after you discover him, assume once more. That is an unhealthy perception that places your happiness in another person’s palms. Nobody else can actually make you cheerful—it’s an inside job.

So, are you caring for your self?

Do you worth and respect your self?

When was the final time you confirmed your self love and compassion?

What are you able to do to like your self a little bit extra every day?

Make a listing and decide to displaying your self no less than one act of self-love.

2. Ditch your timeline

Perhaps you used to have a timeline for whenever you would discover an incredible man, purchase a home, get married, and have youngsters.

Perhaps you nonetheless have a timeline like that.

I hate to interrupt it to you, however life isn’t clean-cut like this. It’s messy and wild, and it hardly ever goes in accordance with plan. Should you do issues proper, chances are high you received’t get what you wished for; you’ll get one thing even higher.

Making an attempt to follow a timeline or society’s script for whenever you “ought to” do issues will solely go away you feeling such as you’re caught on a treadmill that you may’t flip off. It’s going to virtually actually go away you feeling depressing.

Even whenever you get the factor you wished within the time you gave your self, you’ll transfer straight on to attempting to test off the following factor.

Earlier than you say it, I do know ladies have to consider timelines greater than us guys as a result of your fertility has a window. However don’t let this affect your selections an excessive amount of. Don’t try to make a relationship work when it clearly isn’t proper. Should you’re not on the identical web page, don’t let the connection drag on.

Plus, science continues to advance daily. Girls have so many extra choices than they used to. So try to let go of a few of that strain you’re placing on your self.

3. Discovering the one is less complicated when you determine what you’re searching for

Needs are totally different from wants.

Needs are negotiable, whereas wants should not.

You may need a man who’s taller than you with blue eyes and darkish hair. However you may want a person who doesn’t need to get married or have youngsters.

Needs normally embody issues like a man’s job, bodily particulars, and the way clever he’s. Though these items might sound essential, you’ll typically discover that they don’t matter as a lot as you assume they do.

Wants normally mirror the qualities that matter most to you. This consists of values, way of life, and ambitions. These are normally issues that can not be decided by studying somebody’s courting profile or sharing one drink with them.

Now that you recognize the distinction, get clear on what you’re truly searching for. What does your dream man seem like, inside and outside?

First, make a listing of non-negotiable wants.

If a man doesn’t tick these packing containers, he’s not going to be appropriate with you long-term.

You’ll be able to then make a listing of desires, however consider them as nice-to-haves somewhat than packing containers that he should tick.

That is what I name your love imaginative and prescient.

It’s essential to not skip this step as a result of whenever you take time to determine what you want in a accomplice, it makes the search so much simpler.

4. Get assist discovering the one from a courting coach

There’s so much to know and study in terms of courting and discovering an actual, long-lasting relationship.

So, if the entire concept of courting and discovering the one is overwhelming, don’t fear. You’re not alone, and also you don’t have to do that alone both.

Enlisting in knowledgeable assist from a dating coach is likely to be what you could acknowledge your value, begin transferring in the suitable path, and discover the wonderful man you deserve.

5. Discover your pursuits & stay an entire life by yourself

The subsequent step for locating the one for you is to deal with residing a full life by yourself.

Should you don’t have any hobbies or pursuits, now could be the time to seek out some new ones. And if you have already got some, strive some new ones too!

Take into consideration what you’ve at all times wished to strive however by no means have, or what you’re deeply keen about, or the issues that really feel good to do.

The chances are countless.

Devoting time to doing belongings you get pleasure from is an effective way to maintain a balanced, entire life. Courting can generally develop into all-consuming and the main focus of all of your consideration—however your actual focus ought to be your happiness.

Growing and nurturing your pursuits will deliver you pleasure, assist you meet new folks, and have enjoyable experiences. The by-product of that is it can make you extra thrilling and enticing to others.

You don’t have to be in a relationship to stay an unimaginable, adventurous life. You are able to do that in the present day!

6. Be tremendous social

woman dating

Should you’re severe about discovering the one, it’s important to decide to being extraordinarily social.

It doesn’t matter in the event you’re naturally introverted or shy—you may nonetheless be genuine, however be sure you’re giving your self loads of alternatives to fulfill new folks.

In my dating coaching program Love Accelerator, we encourage you to maintain a “Social Rating.” This implies we encourage you to set targets for what number of new folks you need to meet and maintain you accountable to these targets.

Setting targets like this helps you keep targeted and dedicated to what you need, and it provides you the nudge you could hold placing your self on the market. Earlier than you recognize it, you’ll be in a wholesome, completely satisfied, dedicated relationship with an incredible man.

7. Use on-line courting apps successfully for locating the one

Online dating apps and websites will be an effective way to attach with new folks. The issue is, most individuals are utilizing them the flawed means.

Should you discover you encounter many males who appear to flake or ghost on courting websites, there’s a motive why.

Courting apps are a superb technique to meet new folks immediately, however after that, the ball is in your court docket. It’s on you to speak what you’re searching for.

I like to recommend assembly up with somebody for a cup of espresso inside per week of matching on a courting app.

Some folks will probably be on the identical web page, whereas others received’t be. However it’s higher to eradicate the flakey guys now than in a while whenever you’ve invested extra time in them. Your time is simply too valuable to be enjoying video games or dancing round what you need.

In the case of establishing your courting app profile, studies have proven small issues that may enhance your probabilities of success, together with a transparent, enticing image of your self and a fluent headline message. In the case of sending a compelling message that results in a meet-up, what’s important is real curiosity, fast turnaround time, humor, and an early transfer from on-line chatting to an precise date.

8. Take pleasure in courting

Subsequent comes the enjoyable half: accepting dates and exploring new connections!

We’ve already explored discovering new hobbies, placing your self on the market, and utilizing on-line courting successfully. You may additionally need to head to singles occasions or velocity courting nights, strive a matchmaking service or ask family and friends to set you up with folks they know and assume is likely to be a possible match.

A very powerful factor to recollect by means of all of that is to make having enjoyable your focus as a result of dating is meant to be fun!

Even when a date doesn’t go too properly or there’s no connection there, search for the positives. You’re getting out of your consolation zone, brushing up in your flirting expertise, increasing your social circle, and assembly folks from all walks of life.

Throughout this courting part, don’t overlook that you are within the energy seat. Don’t chase guys; let them pursue you. Your job is to determine whether or not he meets your love imaginative and prescient.

9. Hold your choices open

finding the one

I at all times inform the ladies I coach to keep their options open in the course of the courting part.

You’re nonetheless happening new first dates, second dates, and perhaps even third dates.

You’re speaking to a number of males, getting a greater sense of who’s doubtlessly a very good match for you and who you need to hold seeing time and again.

Now could be the time to sluggish issues down a notch. This gives you the time and area you could work out who you need to take that subsequent step with and date solely. Plus, this can naturally make males pursue you more durable.

10. Anticipate to be “rejected”

Should you put all of your power into stopping being rejected by anyone, then you definately’ll by no means find yourself placing your self on the market. Courting is all about placing your self on the market and being weak. That is what love is constructed on.

So, as a lot because it sucks, you’ll have to face rejection, whether or not you’re the one doing the rejecting or on the receiving finish of it.

Most of us discover this troublesome as a result of we take being rejected by somebody as a personal rejection. We assume there’s one thing flawed with us.

Why doesn’t he like me?

That is the flawed means to have a look at it. Rejection is rarely normally about you; it’s concerning the particular person doing the rejecting. You’ve zero management over this. And it’s a fantastic factor as a result of it means you’re one step nearer to discovering the one who’s best for you.

Don’t take it personally. Let it go as shortly as you may, and transfer on to the following man.

11. Talk what you need early on

“Girls who ask for what they need are sometimes labeled as abrasive in our tradition. However holding again will be detrimental to your courting life.”—Alison Pelz, Psychotherapist.

You’ll be able to’t create a wholesome, practical relationship with a person except you may have open and sincere conversations in the course of the courting part.

Communication is a talent, and it’s not one which many people study deeply as youngsters. Equally, being weak could be a nice power, however we’ve discovered to view it as a weak spot.

Communication and vulnerability are each wanted to precise what you need and want early on. So, in the event you like a man, inform him. Should you’re searching for a severe relationship, be open about that. That is extremely enticing, and it weeds out anybody who isn’t a very good match for you.

12. Be genuine (and settle for your flaws)

older woman

Being genuine means you’re in a position to be who you are and really feel snug with whoever you’re with. However this implies you settle for all components of your self—your strengths and your flaws as a result of all of us have them.

Top-of-the-line traits for everybody to search for in a possible accomplice is somebody who can acknowledge their flaws and maintain themselves accountable for them.

This can be a signal of a mature, emotionally clever, self-aware particular person.

13. Take note of pink flags!

Whereas all of us have our flaws, there’s a distinction between a flaw and a pink flag. A pink flag is a major problem that can create an issue within the basis of a possible relationship.

Red flags embody:

  • Relying on alcohol to speak properly, snigger, or have intercourse
  • Resisting dedication
  • He’s unable to totally focus his consideration on you whenever you’re with him
  • Jealousy over you spending time with others
  • Controlling conduct
  • It’s a purely physical connection
  • You solely ever hang around collectively as a part of a bunch

Once you spot a pink flag, don’t gloss over it, and don’t be afraid to stroll away.

14. Construct a real connection

Once you’re on a date with a man, one of the simplest ways to construct a genuine connection is to be absolutely current.

Which means to present him your full consideration and focus. Actually take heed to what he’s saying. Don’t be excited about what you need to say after he’s executed speaking. Actively hear. Most individuals don’t know the way to do that anymore—our consideration spans are extremely quick!

Should you’re not serious about your date, it can present. So, if so, there’s no level in pursuing it additional. However if you’re , then present it. Individuals can really feel this.

Listening intently will assist you get to know somebody on a deeper degree and construct intimacy between you.

15. Expertise some battle collectively

couple fighting

Discovering the one just isn’t about discovering somebody you by no means argue with. In a long-term relationship, you’re sure to disagree and have moments of battle. Not solely is that this regular, but it surely’s additionally wholesome.

What’s essential is how you navigate battle collectively.

Can you talk calmly, clearly, and with respect, even whenever you’re pissed off?

You don’t truthfully know the way suited you’re with somebody till you’ve had your first large argument and found out an answer collectively.

16. Assume you’ve discovered the one? Ensure you have “the speak.”

It received’t be lengthy earlier than you’ve discovered a man who you assume is likely to be the one for you.

You’ve dated for some time, constructed a real connection, and he shares related values and targets to you. He meets your love imaginative and prescient, you’ve taken issues slowly, and also you need to spend an increasing number of time with him.

You’re able to make issues unique.

So, the ultimate step is to have “the speak.”

Once you’re with the suitable particular person, conversations like this could occur naturally and really feel straightforward to navigate. It’s best to each be excited to construct a future collectively.

Bear in mind, in the event you don’t set clear boundaries like this and be sure you’re each on the identical web page, the connection won’t be constructed to final long-term. The very first boundary in any wholesome relationship is a commitment from both people.

Are you prepared to seek out an incredible man and the connection you deserve?

Discovering the one—or somewhat, a improbable match for you—is all about getting clear on who you’re, what you’re searching for, and actively committing to assembly as many new folks as doable.

What do you assume your greatest problem is in terms of discovering the one?

Drop me a remark beneath, and let’s discover you the connection you deserve.

finding the one

PS. Should you’re prepared to start out making males pursue you for love, then be a part of me on this free webinar to find the three steps to constructing emotional attraction – Register here to get started (it’s 100% free).

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